FROM ‘Beowulf’ to ‘The Hobbit’ and ‘Game of Thrones,’ tales of scaly, fire-breathing monsters that fly and hoard gold have intrigued and enchanted us for centuries.

Yet dragons have largely been considered the stuff of fantasy and imagination - until now!

An Abergavenny man has made the audacious claim that not only were dragons once real but he believes one of these mythical beasts still stalks the world.

“Once upon a time if you told me dragons were real I probably would have probably just nodded my head solemnly, took you to a safe place, and waited for whatever drug you were on to wear off,” explained semi-professional paranormal investigator Johnny Turnip.

“Yet when you’ve spent the last few months chasing mermaids and saving the world from a leprechaun apocalypse you see things through different eyes. Dragons make perfect sense to me now. They’re just like dinosaurs but harder, because they survived Covid or whatever it was that killed off all the other big reptiles. Plus, dragons can also breathe fire and you’ve got to respect that.”

Turnip told the Chronicle that he was made aware of the existence of the last dragon during a vision brought upon by fatigue.

“After passing out on top of the Skirrid I awoke in another dimension,” explained Turnip. “Watching Earl Elderflower banish the leprechauns from this realm was pretty exciting stuff but it had taken its toll on my system.

“Anyhow, as I opened my eyes and found myself on a moonlight beach beneath a night sky that looked more psychedelic than a bunch of rainbows on acid, I knew I was back in the domain of Gaia, the Triple Goddess. The supernatural scammer who had sent me on a wild goose chase to find a mermaid’s tears so I could restore balance to Mother Nature.

“‘Greetings my little root vegetable!’ Said the Triple Goddess as she floated from the sky holding her umbrella.

“I could see on this occasion the demented divinity had chosen to take the guise of Mary Poppins and that suited me fine because as Disney witches go, the strict nanny is probably my favourite. I always found Elsa from ‘Frozen’ a bit unhinged and neurotic, and the evil stepmother in ‘snow White’ is just psychopathic.

"At least with Poppins, you’re guaranteed some sweets and a song or two. With crazy and needy bitches like Elsa it’s all tissues and issues after the magic wears off and the hormones kick in.”

Turnip added, “As the goddess landed on terra firma I just lay on my back with my hands behind my head, acting all Clint Eastwood and growled, ‘You didn’t tell me about the bloody leprechauns!’ But it sort of came out like Michael Caine and ruined the effect. Anyhow she just burst out laughing and replied, ‘Oh yes! Marvellously mischievous and manipulative aren’t they? Did they try to eat you? They have a thing for Turnips you know!’

“‘Let’s just say things got a little fraught,’ I replied. ‘But there’s no way I was going to end up sliding down a leprechaun’s gullet.’”

Turnip added, “After looking at me like an owl, her head rotated 360 degrees like the green-skinned girl in ‘The Exorcist’. It phased me a bit but I didn’t show it and cooly said, “You know, I thought the leprechauns might have been working for you in some way but now I see you’re one kind of crazy and they’re another. And one thing I learned a long time ago is two types of crazy don’t mix.’

“The goddess just looked at me and smiled in that way a storm at sea might smile if it had a mouth. She then just suddenly stood to attention like a private on parade, sharply saluted me and barked, ‘Congratulations marine you have passed the test. You will soon be ready for your real mission.’

“‘Real mission?’ I said rising to my feet.

“‘Oh my freshly plucked Turnip. This was all a test. A dry run if you like. I wanted to see if you had the necessary grit and gumption to see through the deception and ruse. For a long time I have desired a true Captain and chosen representative in the world of matter and meaning. You are that man and when the time comes I will call on your agency and skill to find the last living dragon and bring magic back to a world that has been too long without.

“‘Are dragons real then ?’ I asked. ‘I know we have one on the flag and all that, but I thought that’s just because it looks cool.’

“‘It was dragons who served the Mother, Maiden, and Crone long before your kind slithered from the sea and walked on two legs!’ Cried Gaia who was beginning to act a bit hysterical.

“‘OK! I get it! Take a chill pill and keep your knickers on.’ I said, before adding hopefully. ‘You wouldn’t happen to have anything to drink, would you? I’m a bit parched after helping save the world - again!’

“Gaia looked a bit embarrassed and said, ‘I’m trying to do a dry November. Christmas is always hard on the liver these days and I like to have a bit of a cleanse before the party season kicks off. So this realm is an alcohol-free zone at the moment I’m afraid”

Turnip explained, “At first I was tempted to dismiss the Triple Goddess as just another boring lightweight who couldn’t handle their booze and wailed on about the benefits of being sober like an annoying millennial who goes on runs and drinks herbal tea. However, after all was said and done, she was an ancient and supernatural deity and I had to take that into consideration.

“It was all very well for the likes of Nanny Annie ‘horror-show’ Turnip to say you couldn’t trust people who didn’t drink, but how many goddesses had that old crone rubbed shoulders with during a lifetime spent in dodgy boozers?

“I decided to give Gaia the benefit of the doubt and reluctantly, and with a distinct lack of enthusiasm said, ‘It’s ok not to drink, for a bit at least. As long as you don’t get all preachy about how you’ve turned your life around. But as for me, I’m dry as a desert and really need a pint. Life’s too harrowing without it. Be a love and send me back to the land of the living would you?’

“And with that. She drew her arm back, smiled like an angel, and punched me full-on in the face. It was a savage blow I can tell you. It knocked me spark out. Big Tony would have been proud of her technique.

"This time when I opened my eyes, I was reassuringly back on top of the Skirrid but face to face with an altogether different kind of madness!”

To be continued…….