AFTER a couple of weeks in covid isolation I finally met up with The Mother last week as I chauffeured her to a hospital appointment. It was a rare turn of affairs as its become something of a standing joke in the family that The Mother has visited virtually every NHS establishment in the area with various member of the Plas Derwen Posse and further afield.

This time it was her turn and I did my daughterly duty by offering to be the responsible adult as The Mother finally decided to address the carpal tunnel problem we have been hearing about for so long.

With a two year waiting list she decided to ‘go private’ so we headed to St Joseph’s Hospital for her first consultation.

“I chose this consultant because he has a video online of him doing the operation….and he works with the Welsh rugby team,” she said as she proceeded to tell me his life story.

Marching into the hospital reception she confidently announced that she had an appointment at 1pm.

“And who is that with,” asked the friendly receptionist.

Standing next to The Mother I watched her face blanch and her eyes widen.

“I’ve no idea…I can’t remember his name,” she announced in horror.

“Don’t look at me,” I said with a shrug. “I know where he went to school and where he trained, but I don’t think you ever told me his name.”

“Let’s start with your name and we can do it that way,” said the receptionist, obviously familiar with the situation.

“Maybe we should book you in for the memory clinic while we’re here,” I smiled ignoring The Mother’s glare.

“Here we are,” said the receptionist with a sympathetic glance in my direction. “You’re in Outpatients A.”

“You’d better give her the directions,”said my crestfallen mother. 

“You go down this corridor, take the first left, then the second right, walk past the pharmacy and turn right. You can’t miss it,” she added with a smile.

“Thank you,” I said heading confidently in the direction in which she was pointing.

As the double doors closed behind us I turned to The Mother in a panic.

“Which way did she say?”

“I don’t know,” said The Mother. “ I wasn’t listening. I thought she was telling you!”

“Well she was but you know what I’m like with directions. Once there’s more than one ‘turn left’ I panic and shut off.”

“Why didn’t you ask her to repeat the directions,” said The Mother rolling her eyes.

“Because she already thought you were ga-ga. I didn’t want to make her think I was as well,” I replied.

As we stood there debating a nurse walked past.

“Are you ok?” She asked.

“We’re a bit lost,” said The Mother. “I’ve got an appointment in Outpatients A,” she added smugly adding the name of her consultant.

“You just head straight down here, first left, second right and there you are,” she pointed helpfully.

“You didn’t retain any of that did you? I did…and I remember the name of my consultant!” she said purposefully marching off.

“But I can still move my hand and feel my fingers,” I muttered under my breath as she strode away.